Editing Cartman Joins the NAMBLA (section)

==Story==

===Description===
Cartman decides he wants more mature friends and starts trolling for older male buddies on the Internet.  He's soon involved with one prospective child molester after another -- each of whom is arrested by the FBI shortly after they meet with him. Still friendless, Cartman consults with Dr. Mephesto, who tells him he's a perfect fit for an organization he belongs to -- North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes. 

Kenny faces an even more pressing crisis: His parents want to have another baby. Kenny does everything in his power to prevent the pregnancy. He shatters his father's testicles with a well-placed baseball; mixes up a "special" cocktail for his mom made mostly of abortion pills and vodka (which his father mistakenly drinks, triggering a legendary bout of vomiting and diarrhea); and attempts to induce a miscarriage by taking his parents on a super-violent carnival ride called The John Denver Experience. Nothing, however, derails the dreaded sibling-to-be. 

Meanwhile, Cartman indeed joins NAMBLA -- only it's the other NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association. The child molesters couldn't be happier about this, and encourage him to get his friends to sign up. Soon Cartman and they boys are all together at a mixer at a local hotel. The boys flee when they finally figure out what's going on. They're pursued by the NAMBLA members, who are in turn chased by the FBI and the members of the North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes, eager to kick the molesters' asses for tarnishing the Brandos' good name. The members of the bad NAMBLA are finally rounded up and carted away. But not before gang-raping Kenny's dad.

Kenny is run over by the ambulance that takes his father to the hospital. Soon afterward his new little brother is born. Not surprisingly he's also named Kenny and seems to have emerged from the womb wearing a tiny orange parka.

===What I Learned Today===
"Our forefathers came to this country because they believed in an idea. An idea called freedom. They wanted to live in a place where a group couldn't be prosecuted for their beliefs. Where a person can live the way he chooses to live. You see us as being perverted because we're different from you. People are afraid of us because they don't understand. And sometimes it's easier to persecute than to understand. We are human. Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to young boys. We were born that way. We can't help the way we are, and if you can't understand that, well, then, I guess you'll just have to put us away."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "Why the hell does the FBI keep arresting all my friends?" [[Cartman]]
* "That hits the spot. Makes me forget all about my shattered balls." [[Stuart McCormick]]
* "Dude! I think these guys mean to have sexual encounters with us!" [[Stan]]
* "God dammit, poor people suck!"  [[Cartman]] 
* "Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets.  Midgets piss me off."  [[Cartman]] 
* "I got into NAAA-MBLA!  And you guys did-n't!"  [[Cartman]] 
* "You mean you expect me to go out there and let all those horny old men have their way with my fragile person?!"  [[Butters]]
* "Alright, alright, I'm sorry I almost got you guys all raped.  There." [[Cartman]]