Editing Follow That Egg (section)

==Story==

===Description===
For the 4th Grade's lesson on "Parenting," Garrison pairs the kids into boy/girl couples and assigns them each an egg, which they must take care of for one full week as if it were a baby. Stan gets angry when his ex-girlfriend Wendy is paired with Kyle.  So angry, in fact, that he neglects his own egg (which he's caring for with Bebe) and tells Kyle that his hat is stupid.

All this pales in comparison to Garrison's problems. When she visits her former lover (Mr. Slave) to patch things up, she discovers he now lives with Big Gay Al -- and that the two plan to marry as soon as same-sex unions are legalized in Colorado. Furious, Garrison vows to do whatever it takes to stop gay marriage.

Soon Garrison and an army of like-minded protestors meet with the governor, who's terrified of the controversial issue and won't consider vetoing the measure unless he can find some sort of political cover for himself. Garrison says he can provide a "study" proving that gay marriages are unstable. To do this he mixes up the lineup for his egg experiment, putting Stan and Kyle together as a "gay" couple. He figures the boys will destroy the egg, proving his point and nudging the governor into vetoing the same-sex marriage bill.

But things don't go as planned. In spite of the fact that Stan and Kyle aren't getting along, nothing happens to their egg. So Garrison hires a professional Israeli assassin named Jikartha, who literally shoots the egg out of Stan's hand. But just when all seems lost, Kyle reveals that he gave Stan a decoy egg, and that he's carrying the real one safe and sound. The boys reconcile, and Stan tells Kyle he really doesn't think his hat is stupid.

They jump in a taxi and race to Denver, where the final "egg check" is taking place on the steps of the Colorado statehouse.  As the boys rush through the crowd of gay supporters/protesters, Jikartha opens fire and detonates land mines, killing bushels of bystanders -- but failing to stop Stan and Kyle.  They make it to the podium, reveal their undamaged egg to Garrison, and collapse.

Same-sex marriage is made legal in Colorado, and Kyle and Stan (utterly confusing them, since they weren't aware of their pivotal role in the debate) are hailed as heroes. Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave get married, both adorned in tasteful white gowns.  Afterward, Wendy tells Stan that she's sorry she doubted his parental abilities.  Stan tells her to get lost.

===What I Learned Today===
"Like I give a crap about what you think, Wendy."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "Fags are getting married over my dead body!" [[Ms. Garrison]]
* "I just wanted a big house and lots of respect. I didn't want this kind of responsibility." [[Governor of Colorado]]
* "Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!" [[Ms. Garrison]]
* "Instead of being man and wife, you'll be butt buddies." [[Governor of Colorado]]
* "I will murder that egg! And I will make it curse the day it was laid!!" [[Jikartha, the Assassin]]
* "Stan, do you really think my hat is stupid?" [[Kyle]]
* "If you break your egg, it means you have a dead baby.  And if you kill your baby, you get an F."  [[Ms. Garrison]]
* "Well maybe I didn't want to have an egg with you, okay Bebe?!"  [[Stan]]
* "You're taking that egg and if you break it again, so help me god I will break both your legs and burn down your house!!"[[Ms. Garrison]]
* "With the help of some adorable fourth grade students, we have completed our scientific, non-biased study of fags having kids."  [[Ms. Garrison]]
* "This egg is fine!  Gays can get married!!"  [[Governor of Colorado]]