Editing Free Hat (section) Warning: You are not logged in. Your IP address will be publicly visible if you make any edits. If you log in or create an account, your edits will be attributed to your username, along with other benefits.Anti-spam check. Do not fill this in!==Story== ===Description=== Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Tweek organize a group to protest the "updating" of classic films such as E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial and the original Star Wars. Cartman tries to pump up attendance at their first meeting by writing "Free Hat" at the bottom of their posters. Hundreds turn out, under the mistaken impression that the group wants to free imprisoned South Park resident Hat McCullogh, a baby murderer sent to prison in 1982. Not wanting to lose their supporters, the boys offer to free Hat AND save classic movies from their creators. The crowd rallies to their cause. During an appearance on Nightline, Kyle inadvertently gives Steven Spielberg and George Lucas the idea of updating Raiders of the Lost Ark. To stop this travesty, the boys fly to California and raid Skywalker Ranch, hoping to steal the film's original negative. But they're caught, taken prisoner, and forced to attend the first viewing of the digitally enhanced Raiders. Tweek tries to disrupt the premier by threatening to fire a rocket launcher at the movie print, but is instead taken prisoner as well. Finally, the film debuts. It's so horrible that it kills the entire audience, Spielberg and Lucas included. The boys survive by closing their eyes, and return to South Park for a hero's welcome. Unfortunately, they soon discover they're being honored not for saving movies, but for helping to free Hat McCullogh. ===What I Learned Today=== "Sometimes the things we do don't matter right now. Sometimes they matter later. We have to care more about later sometimes, you know? I think that's what separates us from the Steven Spielbergs and George Lucases of the world." ===Memorable Quotes=== * "What do you see as 'positive' about toddler murder?" [[Ted Koppel]] * "We're just gonna fly to California and break into George Lucas' house. What's stressful about that?" [[Kyle]] * "I told you guys. Never underestimate the power of a free hat." [[Cartman]] * "We believe that films have to be taken away from people like Steven Spielberg and George Lucas because they're insane." [[Kyle]] * "Hat was attacked maliciously and unprovoked by a gang of babies in Westown Park. When that many babies get together, they can be like piranha." [[Skeeter]] * "Yeah! Maybe we could melt the Governor's heart with a cool island song!" Redneck * "We are simply passing through history. This is IMPROVED history." [[Steven Spielberg]] * "Give that man a baby!" [[Skeeter]] Summary: Please note that all contributions to South Park Wiki may be edited, altered, or removed by other contributors. If you do not want your writing to be edited mercilessly, then do not submit it here. You are also promising us that you wrote this yourself, or copied it from a public domain or similar free resource (see South Park Wiki:Copyrights for details). Do not submit copyrighted work without permission! Cancel Editing help (opens in new window)