Editing Quest for Ratings (section)

==Story==

===Description===
The boys take an Audio/Visual class in school and create Super School News, a news program that airs on South Park Elementary's closed circuit TV. Their team consists of "Rick" Cartman, Jimmy, Kyle, Butters, Tolkien, and Stan. The show doesn't go well -- they are told by their A/V teacher Mr. Meryl that their show will be cancelled due to low ratings. Instead, the school favors Craig's show Close-Up Animals with a Wide-Angle Lens which consists of nothing but cute animals.

In an effort to keep their show on the air, the boys brainstorm new ways to spice up their show. They change the show's name to Sexy Action School News; make up stories instead of reporting real ones; show scantily clad girls; and introduce a Panda Bear Madness Minute, during which the boys dance with people dressed as pandas. The show's ratings improve, allowing it to eke out a win over Close-Up Animals with a Wide-Angle Lens. Unfortunately, their program gets pummeled by Craig's new show, Close-Up Animals with a Wide-Angle Lens Wearing Hats.

With cancellation looming, Cartman and company try to come up with an even more sensationalist concept during another idea session.  Jimmy urges the boys to reconsider their approach and focus more on journalistic integrity.  No one listens, and even worse no one can think of any new ideas.
  
After hours of dead-end brainstorming, Kyle suggests they drink a bunch of cough medicine in hopes that getting high will generate some good ideas.  It doesn't, but the boys do trip major balls. Once they recover, they realize they had enjoyed Close-Up Animals with a Wide-Angle Lens Wearing Hats while high. It occurs to Stan that Craig's show must be popular because its viewers are most likely abusing cough medicine.

This conspiracy turns out to be true. The kids blow the lid off with a hard-hitting report and the cough medicine problem is eradicated. Ratings for Craig's show collapse, and Sexy Action School News is approved for 27 more episodes. However, the kids can't come up with any more fresh ideas and finally decide to bail.

===What I Learned Today===
"This sucks. I don't wanna keep having to come up with ideas for shows all the time. It hurts my head."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "Parent-teacher conferences will be held this Wednesday night, from seven to nine. So kids, get a lot of playing in before you get grounded." [[Cartman]]
* "I'm sorry kids. You should be proud of what you've done. It's just that it's kind of gay." [[Mr. Meryl]]
* "We need to make students think they have to watch our news show or they'll die." [[Kyle]]
* "How about we do a show where we kill Butters?" [[Cartman]]
* "Fellas, this is our chance! Everyone get your hair looking as fantastic as possible. It's time for us to do the most incredible investigative news report of our journalistic lives!" [[Jimmy Valmer]]
* "You need to know how important ratings are, Craig. So I'm going to suspend you from school, and request that you have your testicles removed surgically." [[Mr. Meryl]]
* "Kids don't care about the news, boys.  It's boring.  Kids want to see animals.  Close up.  With a wide angle lens."  [[Mr. Meryl]]
* "Go play with yourself, Craig." [[Cartman]]
* "No doubt that if I were a little older, I would be aroused." [[Stan]]
* "Oh oh!  Looks like it's Panda Bear Madness Minute!"   [[Tolkien]]
* "Butters, only gay little dweebs read the funnies."  [[Cartman]]
* "Then there's the Maximum Strength Dongatussin Cough n' Cold, but of course, that's only if you REALLY want to trip balls."  [[Mr. Anders]]
* "Woa I'm feeling kinda bowling ballish, fellas."  [[Butters]]