Editing Spontaneous Combustion (section)

==Story==
When South Park citizens start randomly exploding, the mayor enlists the town's only geologist Randy Marsh to find the cause and solution. Stan, Kyle and Cartman reenact the Stations of the Cross.

===Description===
Kyle's dad can't perform sexually and things around the house are pretty grim. Kyle, misunderstanding the nature of the problem, visits various stores in an attempt to purchase a "nerection" for his father. During this fruitless search Kenny spontaneously combusts. Soon other townspeople catch fire too. 

The terrified survivors flock to church where Stan, Kyle and Cartman agree to perform the Stations of the Cross. Cartman does it because he wants to play Jesus, and Kyle participates because he confuses the finale of the "resurrection" with the "nerection" he wants for his dad. After the service Stan and Kyle take Cartman, still bound to the cross, the top of a deserted hill and leave him to die so that he will get the desired "nerection."

Meanwhile, Stan's dad Randy is told by Mayor McDaniels to find a solution to the people-bursting-into-flames issue. Even though he's a geologist and thus clearly unqualified, he gets the job because he's the only scientist in town. He theorizes that Kenny died because he had a new girlfriend (who he meets in "[[Rainforest, Schmainforest]]") and was holding in his gas in her presence. This caused his body's methane levels to rise dangerously, triggering an explosion...

Randy believes that South Park will be safe if everyone farts freely which everyone promptly does. Randy wins the Nobel Prize for his Break Wind Theory of Spontaneous Combustion. But the town starts heating up because of all the methane released into the atmosphere. Randy is stoned and ridiculed by the populace.

However he saves the day when he realizes that spontaneous combustion and global warming can be avoided if people fart in moderation. Also, Kyle's dad finally manages to get a "nerection" when three beautiful women visit his law office and strip to show him possible skin cancer lesions for which they want to sue Randy.

Much later, the boys remember that they left Cartman tied to the cross. They return to find him emaciated but still alive, having survived for three weeks on his Walrus-like stores of fat.

===What I Learned Today===
"I learned something from the Stations of the Cross. At first Jesus was all like, 'Why me?' And he was all pissed off and stuff. Then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else. So he stopped thinking about his own misery and did what had to be done."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "You're too fat to be Jesus!" ([[Kyle Broflovski]])
* "Lord, is it so much to ask that you not let us suddenly burst into flame for no apparent reason? I mean, come on. Amen." ([[Father Maxi]])
* "Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly so you don't spontaneously combust?" ([[Mr. Mackey]])
* "You die on that cross and get resurrected before I kick your ass!" ([[Kyle Broflovski]])
* "As soon as I get my superpowers, I'm gonna smote you two assholes off the planet!" ([[Eric Cartman]])
* "I just want a nerection so I can go give it to my mom!" ([[Kyle Broflovski]])
* "You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus are you?" ([[Father Maxi]])
* "On this blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff and things."  ([[Father Maxi]])
* "Dude!  I think you pulled mud!" ([[Kyle Broflovski]])
* "So, let's see... Jesus got crucified... then he died, then three days later he had his erection."  ([[Stan]])
* "IT'S ALL ABOUT MODERATION, IF YOU NEVER FART, YOU COMBUST"  ([[Randy]])