Editing A Million Little Fibers (section)

===Description===
Towelie is fired from his wait staff job at P.F. Chang's because he's waaaay too stoned.  Now unemployed and broke, he gets high and comes up with an idea to make money.  He  writes his memoirs and takes them to a book publisher.  
Unfortunately, his novel is rejected for publication because "people aren't interested in the autobiographies of towels." So Towelie gets high and has another idea.  

He pretends to be human, changes his name to Steven McTowelie and markets his book once more.  This time it finds a publisher and wins a spot on The Oprah Winfrey Show, guaranteeing that his life story, A Million Little Fibers, will become a bestseller.

The book flies off the shelves and makes Towelie rich.  But the seeds of his destruction are already being sewn by none other than Oprah's vagina and anus -- Minge and Gary -- both of which feel neglected by their workaholic host.  The two orifices contact Geraldo Rivera with a startling revelation: Steven McTowelie is not a person -- he's a towel.

Rivera breaks the news, creating a firestorm of controversy.  Oprah's vagina and anus are thrilled, because they think the embarrassment will cause the cancellation of Oprah's show, forcing her to spend more time with them.  And everything seems to be going as planned.  

Oprah invites Towelie back, allegedly to give his side of the story.  But when he returns to the show (no longer in "human" disguise), she instead incites her audience to burn and lynch him.

Towelie is chased down the street by the mob and cornered in front of the First National Bank of Chicago.  But before the crowd can tear him apart, Oprah's Minge pulls a revolver out the front of her pants, guns down a cop and takes the audience (and Towelie) hostage.  He sees that Oprah will never have time for either her Minge or her Gary. Mingey demands a plane to take him and Gary to France.

Resisting the ever-present temptation to get high, Towelie instead comes up with a daring rescue plan.  He slides under the bank's locked doors, opens them from the inside and quietly ushers the hostages indoors, allowing them to escape unnoticed.  A police sniper then shoots Oprah in the crotch, killing Gary.  Oprah's Minge, distraught and emotional over the death of his mate, takes his own life. 

Oprah is then carted off to the hospital, while Towelie is hailed as a hero.  He vows to no longer get high for ideas.  Instead he'll get high after he comes up with ideas, as a reward.