Editing Trapped in the Closet (section)

===Description===
Stan takes a free "personality test" from some Scientologists and is informed, to his surprise, that he's deeply depressed. They promise to help him, for the low price of $240. Stan forks over the cash and has his "thetan levels" monitored using an "E-meter." He produces such a high reading that the results are immediately dispatched to Scientology's Los Angeles headquarters. The President of Scientology says there can be only one explanation -- Stan is the reincarnation of the church's founder, L. Ron Hubbard.

Shortly thereafter, a mob of Scientologists (including church leaders and John Travolta) show up on the Marsh family's front lawn. They want Stan to lead them, but his father sends him to his room instead.  There he finds Tom Cruise, who asks Stan (who he believes is the reincarnated Hubbard) what he thinks of his acting.  When Stan tells him he's "okay" but not as good as, say, the guy in Napoleon Dynamite, Cruise has a meltdown and locks himself in Stan's closet, refusing to come out.
Over the course of the episode, a number of people try to get Cruise to come out of the closet including Randy and Nicole Kidman, but their efforts are fruitless.  In fact, Cruise won't even admit that he's in the closet.  Unable to sway him, R. Kelly and Travolta join him -- both locking themselves in the closet as well. 

Downstairs, the President of Scientology reveals the church's deepest, most bizarre secrets to Stan. Afterward he says he wants Stan to continue in Hubbard's footsteps by writing more about the events he just described. Stan obliges, even though he protests he doesn't know what he's doing.  At first his ideas meet with the church's approval -- until he asserts that Scientology, like most religions, should stop charging people for help.

Appalled, the President reveals another of the church's deepest secrets -- it's just a scam to make money, and that if Stan knows what's good for him, he'll play along.  He then escorts Stan outside so that he can read some samples of his new writings (soon to be available in book form for a nominal fee) to the assembled crowd.  But Stan can't go through with it.  He admits that he's not the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard and that Scientology is a racket.

However, Stan's honesty doesn't go over so well.  Instead of turning on the Scientology leadership, the followers scream at Stan for defaming their religion and threaten to sue him.  Relieved that the boy isn't actually Hubbard, Tom Cruise (as well as R. Kelly and Travolta) finally comes out of the closet.  Just like everyone else, Cruise threatens to bring a lawsuit.  But Stan holds his ground and dares them to do their worst.