Herbert Garrison
| Gender | Male - Seasons 1 to 8 and 13 to current* Female - Seasons 9 to 12* |
| Age | 41 |
| Hair Color | grey |
| Occupation | Teacher |
| Religion | Roman Catholic, Temporary Atheist |
| Father | Mr. Garrison Senior |
| Mother | Mrs. Garrison Senior |
| Voiced by | Trey Parker |
| First Appearance | Cartman Gets an Anal Probe |
Mr. Garrison aka Herbert Garrison aka Ethan Garrison (pen name) aka Miss Garrison aka Janet Garrison aka Mr. Garrison again. He is the boys' school teacher, having taught them in both 3rd grade and 4th grade (after the unfortunate death of Diane Choksondik). As you can tell from the multiple personas above, Garrison is pretty sexually confused. He denied being gay until he came out of the closet (Fourth Grade), then embraced it with the help of his gay assistant Mr. Slave (The Death Camp of Tolerance, 614)...only to then get a sex change operation (Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina), turn into a lesbian (D-Yikes!), and then get a sex change back to being a man (Eek, A Penis!). So yeah...
Life Lessons
- "Remember: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
- "A Haiku is just like a normal American poem, except it doesn’t rhyme and it’s totally stupid.”
- "The Hare Krishnas are totally gay.”