Nurse McSchwartz
| Gender | Female |
| Hair Color | Pink |
| Occupation | School Nurse |
| Voiced by | Unknown |
Behind the Scenes
In the unaired pilot version of "Cartman Gets An Anal Probe", the boys have to visit the school nurse to get out of class. The low-voiced, cynical nurse casually treats Pip Pirrup while mouthing that the boys fake illness all the time. She finally witnesses Eric Cartman's flaming gas and lets the kids go.
She was later re-purposed into the new school nurse Mary Gollum, looking much the same with the addition of a dead fetus to the side of her head. Her voice was now provided by Mary Kay Bergman and much higher and sweeter, and she was much more caring towards the children. She appeared in "Conjoined Fetus Lady" and "Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods" during the second season before being retired.