Story

Description

Cartman decides he is too mature to hang out with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny after Cartman disapproves of poor couples (like Kenny's parents) having more children, so he starts to look for older male friends in an Internet chat room. He stumbles upon the topic "Men Who Like Young Boys" and talks to some eager men whom Cartman believes want to be friends with him. In reality, they are actually Internet predators who prey on young boys.

Meanwhile, Mrs. McCormick is trying to have another baby. Kenny does not like the idea, knowing that his parents will pay more attention to their baby instead of Kenny, his friends will stop hanging out with him and he will have bad luck for the rest of his days once the baby sees the light of day as he has nightmares about it, so he continually tries to prevent the baby's conception, all which results in misfortune at Mr. McCormick's expense. First, Kenny hurls a fastball at his father's crotch during a game of catch, shattering his left testicle.

Cartman meets a pedophile who goes by the Internet handle Tony316 at Mel's Diner. Much to Cartman's anger, he ends up arrested for soliciting sex from a minor. The next day, Cartman goes to meet a "Mr. Hammerhead", who, to Cartman's surprise, turns out to be Mr. Garrison, who is also arrested. Cartman naïvely concludes that Stan and Kyle are behind his new "mature" friends getting arrested.

Despite Kenny's first effort, his mother gets pregnant anyway. Kenny adds morning-after pills to a chocolate milk/vodka cocktail and gives it to Mrs. McCormick, but she refuses to drink because of her pregnancy. Instead Stuart McCormick drinks it and as a result rushes to the bathroom where he repeatedly vomits and defecates. Later, Kenny convinces his family to go with him to North Park Funland to ride The John Denver Experience, a violent ride not recommended for pregnant women. However, Kenny's father gets a broken nose from the ride and ends up vomiting, defecating, and now, draining his bloody nose into a garbage can. Having stood enough of this, an enraged Kenny chases Mrs. McCormick through the town with a plunger, attempting to plunge the fetus out of her. Upon seeing this, Mr. McCormick angrily chases after Kenny to stop him from hurting his mother and their unborn child.

Cartman goes to see Dr. Mephesto about where he might find mature friends. Dr. Mephesto advises Cartman to join an organization known as NAMBLA, saying "you look about right." However, the NAMBLA that Dr. Mephesto is referring to is a fictional club for men who look like Marlon Brando (the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes). Cartman finds the North American Man/Boy Love Association, asks to join, and is made their poster boy. The organization decides to hold a banquet in Cartman's honor and asks him to invite all the boys in town. Cartman does so, with the exception of Stan and Kyle.

Federal officials, having learned that NAMBLA is meeting in South Park, raid the venue. However, they discover that they have raided the wrong NAMBLA meeting, that of Dr. Mephesto's group. The FBI teams up with the Marlon Brando lookalikes and rushes to stop the other NAMBLA's banquet.

At the NAMBLA banquet, all the boys in town, including Stan and Kyle, who were also invited, are in attendance. The boys are unaware of what is in store for them until the pedophiles take them to their hotel rooms, after which the boys run screaming in the halls. The Marlon Brando look-alikes and the federal officers arrive at the hotel, and a madcap chase with the boys, both NAMBLAs (running naked), and the feds ensues. Kenny, still chasing after his mother and now being chased by his father, joins in. Cartman decides that Butters should be the sacrificial lamb for the pedophiles to have their way with. While Butters is sent into an empty room and leaves unharmed, Mr. McCormick enters a room to search for Kenny, only to find the NAMBLA pedophiles, who somehow mistake him for a little boy and proceed to gang-rape him.

In the end, all of the North American Man/Boy Love Association members are arrested by the FBI. The leader of NAMBLA tries to weasel his and the other members' way out of jailtime by giving out a speech equating pedophilia with being an oppressed minority and that they simply cannot help their sexual attraction to young boys. It nearly works, as the FBI agents seem to be buying his stance, but Stan and Kyle retort at this by stating that, while they believe in tolerance and equality for all, the members of NAMBLA are criminals who molest children (who should never endure sex at such a young age) and therefore deserve to be treated as such. As the pedophiles are taken away to custody, Cartman backhandedly apologizes to his friends (including Butters) for almost getting them raped, assuring that they will "blossom into maturity" someday.

The raped Mr. McCormick is loaded into an ambulance, which accidentally goes in reverse and runs over Kenny, killing him instantly. Afterwards, Mrs. McCormick gives birth to an identical child they name Kenny, which she says has happened 52 times before. The French music (Page d'écriture by Yves Montand) that was played during the hallway scene is played during the closing credits.

What I Learned Today

"Our forefathers came to this country because they believed in an idea. An idea called freedom. They wanted to live in a place where a group couldn't be prosecuted for their beliefs. Where a person can live the way he chooses to live. You see us as being perverted because we're different from you. People are afraid of us because they don't understand. And sometimes it's easier to persecute than to understand. We are human. Most of us didn't even choose to be attracted to young boys. We were born that way. We can't help the way we are, and if you can't understand that, well, then, I guess you'll just have to put us away."

Memorable Quotes

• "Why the hell does the FBI keep arresting all my friends?" (Cartman)
• "That hits the spot. Makes me forget all about my shattered balls." (Stuart McCormick)
• "Dude! I think these guys mean to have sexual encounters with us!" (Stan)
• "God dammit, poor people suck!" (Cartman)
• "Sorry, I'm not interested in being friends with midgets. Midgets piss me off." (Cartman)
• "I got into NAAA-MBLA! And you guys did-n't!" (Cartman)
• "You mean you expect me to go out there and let all those horny old men have their way with my fragile person?!" (Butters)
• "Alright, alright, I'm sorry I almost got you guys all raped. There." (Cartman)

Characters

Eric Cartman

Kenny McCormick

Stuart McCormick

Mrs. McCormick

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Character Debuts

NAMBLA

Body Count

Kenny McCormick

Hotel Waiter

Tony the Pedophile

NAMBLA (The National Association of Marlon Brando Look-Alikes)

Locations

South Park Clinic

Cartman Residence

McCormick Residence

Mel's Buffet

Hells Pass Hospital

North Park Funland

Photo Dojo

South Park Inn

Songs

During the NAMBLA chase scene, a happy little French ditty called "French Farce" Page d'écriture by Yves Montand plays.

Behind The Scenes

Where Did The Idea Come From

The concept was born during a horrific writer's retreat on a bargain-basement cruise to Ensenada, Mexico. The trip, the food, the drinks, and Ensenada all sucked, but at least they got this episode idea out of it.

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

In an attempt to get his mother to miscarry, Kenny talks his parents into riding a theme park attraction called The John Denver Experience. It's a recreation of a plane crash at sea, which is how the real John Denver died.

Cartman's first internet friend, Tony, brings him a couple books of Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian guide to unleashing your sexual powers. Chef says he met his would-be wife while reading the same book in "The Succubus".

The other NAMBLA - The North American Marlon Brando Look Alikes - is full of people that look like the famous actor Marlon Brando.

Pwn'd

At the beginning of the show the boys play the Investigative Reports With Bill Curtis Board Game. Trey is actually a big fan of Bill Curtis.

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

While playing Investigative Reports With Bill Curtis Board Game, Cartman gives Kyle an "AIDS" card. Cartman actually gives Kyle AIDS in "Tonsil Trouble". There's a picture of Bill Clinton and Cartman hanging above Cartman's computer.

Garrison has a Freudian slip here, pleading, "I did not want love from a young boy! I like men my own age! AGH! I mean - I like women!!" A few episodes later, he will finally admit to his gayness in "Fourth Grade".

Kenny makes his famous "abortion cocktail" for his mother -- consisting of Vodka, cocoa, and a whole lot of "Pregnant No More" abortion pills. Unfortunately, his dad drinks it. This leads to an equally famous poop-and-puke session by Kenny's father.

After Kenny is killed and a baby Kenny is born, his Dad says "God, this must be the fiftieth time this has happened." Kenny's Mom corrects him, "Fifty-second". It was indeed the 52nd time Kenny had been killed.

Season 4

e1 Cartman's Silly Hate Crime 2000

e2 The Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000

e3 Quintuplets 2000

e4 Timmy 2000

e5 Pip

e6 Cartman Joins NAMBLA

e7 Cherokee Hair Tampons

e8 Chef Goes Nanners

e9 Something You Can Do With Your Finger

e10 Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?

e11 Probably

e12 Fourth Grade

e13 Trapper Keeper

e14 Helen Keller! The Musical

e15 Fat Camp

e16 The Wacky Molestation Adventure

e17 A Very Crappy Christmas